We all know that when you have a baby life becomes hectic. Like, off the charts hectic.
There’s bottles, nappies, feeds, naps, washing, entertaining, comforting and much much more. And that’s just for the baby. There’s also a house to run, chores to do, family or friends to see, mum/baby groups to attend and just general day to day stuff to see to.
Which means you are one busy mama.
And when you’re this busy just how on earth are you supposed to find time to spend as a couple as well!!!
Fear not, I’ve got 5 ways in which you can spend time with your other half every day so you can reconnect and feel like a couple again. Even if it’s just for a few minutes!
1 – Do the chores or run errands together
There’s pretty much one thing that is a given in any household and that is that there will always be chores to be doing. Problem is that often one partner spends time doing the chores whilst the other one does something different (doesn’t necessarily mean that they are sitting on the sofa doing nothing although, you know, just saying…).
If, however, you and your partner do chores together you will achieve three things – you’ll spend time together, you’ll get them done in half the time and thus have the remaining time to spend doing couple things, plus you won’t want to punch him in the face because you are doing more round the house than he is.
2 – Cook and eat together
Yes cooking is a chore but I’ve deliberately kept it separate from the point above because cooking can become something that brings you together. You can take time choosing what you are going to cook together (my DH sends me recipes that he thinks I’ll like during the day which I love because I know he’s thinking of me even when we’re not together – feel free to vomit…).
You can both go shopping at the weekend to buy what you need and then cooking together can be really connecting. Plus it’s something you have to do every day so it’s easy to make dinner a couple thing so that you’ve always got that time put aside for the pair of you. Even if one of you is a rubbish cook, just standing next to whoever is cooking and chatting to them is enough. It’s about spending time together.
Now if you have a bigger family and have younger kids to feed (like I do) then it may not be practical to cook together very often or even to eat together if you eat early with the kids. If that’s the case then an alternative is to still sit down to dinner together – even if you sit there with a cup of tea whilst he eats leftovers.
3 – Go to bed at the same time
Even if you spend all day apart, going to bed at the same time gives you an opportunity at the end of the day to reconnect. If you don’t have a baby in your room (and if you do it won’t be forever) then it’s a great opportunity for some pillow talk before going to sleep (and who knows – could even lead to adult time too!). But even if you do, just being able to snuggle up together, even briefly, can help you to feel like a couple again rather than passing ships in the night.
4 – Join in each others hobbies
Now I’m not saying that if your partner is an avid abseiler that you should start throwing yourself off the tops of buildings too (and let’s not even think about what you’d do with the baby) but you could go and watch him when he does. Ditto, if you like to go swimming, why not get him to bring the kids along too. That way you can do laps first and then you can all splash about as a family.
We all know that it’s important to keep time for ourselves to have a break from being a parent but often, because of childcare constraints, we have to do it separately from our partners. If, however, you can find something that includes all of you then you can create an opportunity for you to spend time together, even if the kids are there too.
5 – Schedule it in
You can make all the plans in the world to spend more time together but if you don’t actually schedule it in it’s probably not going to happen. Whatever it is that you decide you want to do, put it on a calendar and agree it in advance. If you write it down somewhere you’ll remember it and make it happen. Plus it gives you something to look forward to in the chaos of the day when you see it written in the diary.
You can get as creative as you like with this as the goal is to just find ways to be together. Not planning a big, once a month date night, not getting away for a weekend every 6 months but finding ways to be in each others company every single day. Those little touch points that make you feel connected rather than distant.
You also don’t need to only do it when the kids aren’t around. It doesn’t have to be alone time for it to count. And actually, it sets a really good example to your children to see you working as a team round the house and making the effort to spend time together.
Ultimately, as a couple you both need to agree that you will prioritise spending time together, even on the boring day to day stuff. The golden rule is that it’s not what you’re doing that’s important, it’s that you are doing it together. And if you are finding that couple time is stressful then why not read my post on how to baby proof your relationship so you can get back to feeling all the lovey feels you did before baby came along.
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