Let’s be honest, parenting can get competitive but no where more so than in your relationship.
Who’s more tired.
Who has the most important role.
Who is the most stressed.
Who does the most round the house.
The problem is, that if we think we’re in competition, one of us wins and one of us loses. To be frank, sometimes as parents we both lose.
It’s so easy to look at your partner when he gets home from a tough day at work to think – you haven’t had to run around after 1/2/3 kids today. What do you know about being tired!
Or to feel resentful that after you’ve been up at 4am with a baby, your partner has a lie in. Leaving you to deal with your wonderful early risers.
Perhaps you look at your partner and hate the fact that he gets to have an identify outside the family. That he goes to work and has a career when you’ve had to sacrifice yours for the sake of bringing up your kids.
But what if you were able to see that you’re both fucking knackered. Whether that’s from a hard days work or running around non-stop after kids, it doesn’t matter. It’s possible for you both to be exhausted.
What if it’s possible for you both to have to work hard to maintain the family home? Whether that’s providing the money or doing the laundry?
What if you can both feel resentful towards the other because you feel that they’re living the life that you want. Be that going out to work and having a break from the kids or being at home where you get to spend time with them?
It’s not a competition. One of you doesn’t have to be more/do more/have more than the other. You can both feel the same way. You can both contribute towards the family. No one has the ideal life and no one is neglecting one area more than another.
So next time you find yourself getting competitive just take a step back. Acknowledge that it doesn’t matter who’s more tired or who does the most. Show your partner that you care about how they are feeling even if it isn’t how you’d feel if you were them. Talk things through if you find you’re feeling resentful rather than trying to add up the points to prove you have things worse than he does.
Remember parenting can be a team effort. Rather than competing, work together to support each other and find ways to help make both of your lives a little more pleasant.
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